Center > Children and divorce
Children and Divorce
show that one in two marriages will end in divorce. Very often,
divorce is the best solution for a failing marriage, but that does not
mean that it is not difficult for all involved. While a divorce is going
to impact children involved no matter what, here are some tips to help
you lessen that impact:
• Tell them – many parents are afraid
to upset their children by informing them of their decision to divorce
or separate. However, oftentimes, children realize that something
is wrong, and if they are not told directly, they may come to the
wrong conclusions. For many reasons, it is important to let your children
know of the decision, no matter how young they are. (However, you
should only tell them once you are certain you will divorce).
• Set aside time – do not tell your children
right before they are off to school! Tell them when they will have
time to grasp the information and ‘mourn’ before they
must deal with the realities of life. Comfort them.
• Together – once you have decided to
divorce, tell your children together.
• Blame – make sure that the children
know that the divorce is not their fault. Also, be sure to not assign
blame to one parent or the other.
• Simplicity – tell your children in
the most simple and straight-forward way possible. Make sure they
understand what is going on, and make sure that they understand that
you are not going to get back together.
• Upsetting – don’t pretend that
the divorce will be easy. Let your children know that it is going
to be difficult for everyone.
• Tell them you love them – make sure
they know how much you love them and how you will both always be their
parents, even if you have split.
• Expectations – give your children an
idea of what they can expect in the future (there is no need to go
into great detail, though).
• Ask if they have any questions.
• Never talk poorly about your ex-spouse –
you should not discuss the faults of your ex. For your children’s
sake, do not be bitter.
• Watch for signs of depression, etc. –
if necessary, get professional help for your children (and/or for